15 May 2011

Contemplation

The last couple months have been many things, but mostly a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. I've had several life-changing highs and excruciating lows. I usually sense the roller coaster is coming but it is not until I'm riding it that I realize I am flailing. Like water through a sieve, I leak toxins. I chose self-preservation rather than truth; rules rather than questions; movement rather than contemplation.

See, contemplation requires me to stop. Stop moving. Stop analyzing. Stop controlling. Contemplation allows solace, comfort, rest, moment-to-moment peace. It is about choice. We are always choosing. Ever notice that? Rice or beans; South or North; listen or judge; accept or defend.

I am being stretched in new and different ways. While I am no foreigner to this process by any means, being stretched is never 'fun'. It is typically painful and requires a new level of trust and faith in God to get me through. Spending time in contemplative prayer with Him who makes all things work together for good - and yes, that says ALL things - is an essential piece for me.

It has been hidden.

It is remembered. And uncovered.